Had i lost her ?
by reooo
Summary: Lisbon and jane live happily but lisbon needs more .. i am bad at summaries ..reviews appreciated .
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer : I don't own any thing .

**' _Hey abbot. I am sorry I am calling on the week end but , I need a favor ?' asked jane through the phone and abbot replied quickly " sure , what's this about ?' he asked the curiosity evident in his voice ._**

**' _I need you to.. find where is Lisbon ?' his voice cracked a little and abbot's voice was showed his worry ' what happened jane ?' he asked and jane closed his eyes and sighed 'I did some thing stupid '._**

' _Teresa , that shop looks good ..i bet we will find vega something nice there ' he said as he wandered through the shopping mall that was full of lights , christmas decorations and songs._

_He looked to his side but lisbon wasn't there so he turned around to find her still in front of one of the shops and shook his head ..he really hated the crowd of christmas shopping ._

'_Hey Teresa , what are you doing ?' she startled at his voice and he raised an eyebrow and looked in the direction she was looking at to see what was so important getting all that attention from her ._

_He looked around the shop ..it was a kids clothes shop ..there were many of those little cute baby clothes and photos and he cleared his throat ' let's go , Teresa '._

_she looked a little disappointed by his nonchalant reaction and sighed ' yeah .. let's go ' ._

_They walked a little , got some things and felt exhausted so then went to a coffee shop where jane grimaced at the taste of the tea and that made her laugh when they heard some baby cries from the table behind where the parents were trying desperately to calm down the baby and his two naughty brothers ._

' _That's a beautiful family .. look at them ' lisbon said and jane shook his head ' what's beautiful ..the father is cheating on the mother who curse herself every day for marrying him and having to leave a job she loved to take care of the kids ..they are miserable ' said jane and saw a dark shadow across her face ._

' _Are you alright ?' he asked and she nodded ' just tired ..let's go home ' ._

_**'well . jane ..wiley tried to track the phone but he couldn't ..she obviously didn't want to be found ' he said and jane winced at the ache in his chest ..he hated him self ..what if she had left him forever ..what if he had lost her ?'**_

_**' when was the last time you saw her jane ' asked abbot and jane cleared his throat yesterday we went christmas shopping and we came back home late ..i woke up this morning to find her gone and her small bag was missing '.**_

_**' well .whatever what happened between you two ..i am sure that she will be back ,jane ..may be you should to give her some time..women need that some times '.**_

_**Jane shook his head , although he knew he was right but he couldn't help ..he was scared ..no terrified that if he let her think too much she will decide that he's not worth it and leave , like probably she should have from the beginning .**_

_**' well . one last thing ..can you get me the last location she was in ..i just need to be sure that she is safe ' he knew he sounded desperate but didn't care as abbot already knew how much in love he was so saw no point in hiding his feelings .**_

_**' well . sure just give me a minute '.he said although he sounded a little uncomfortable with all of that .**_

_He was exhausted by the time they came back home and Lisbon looked pale too and he was hoped she didn't catch a cold or some thing ..she had been like that for a few days ._

_She went to the kitchen to wash some dishes left from breakfast and he went to change his clothes when he heard a sound from the kitchen and ran to her to find her looking at a broken dish on the floor breathing heavily ..that was not good ._

' _Are you alright ..you know.. you should just go to bed .. I will wash the dishes ' he said to calm her a little but she looked angry , little sad too and he could see a fight coming ._

' _well. you can't send me to bed like a kid ., jane ..ok ..and please stop asking me if I was alright '. she yelled and he took a deep breath ' ok what's going on Teresa ?' he asked folding his arms leaning on the kitchen counter as if preparing him self for the storm ._

'_you said you had no plans for us and I accepted that ..i understand but we have been like this for months and every time I say something about the future you shut down or make fun of it and that can't be good ..i mean today I start talking about happy families and you start doing your thing sending the whole topic to hell '._

' _so this is the problem then ..the kids ?' he asked and she huffed ' well . I am not getting any younger ..have you even thought about it ?'._

_He knew that he was in a tight corner here ..she had been giving him hints all the past two weeks and he kept avoiding the topic ..he didn't want this ..he couldn't do this ' well . I don't think I can do this.. Teresa ' he said wistfully and suddenly all the anger was gone and pain , sadness landed instead ._

_Her tears started falling and he didn't know what to do ..why did he say it like that ' i mean believe me you don't really want one ..it's a lot of work and with the job and every thing ' he said and hoped really hoped she would just accept and forget it ._

_He moved towards her and she took a step back ' I need some time alone ..please '. she said through her tears and for the first time he couldn't do anything to her ._

_All he could see was charlotte's dead body ..he couldn't have another kid , he couldn't be a father again ._

_He lied awake in bed for an hour waiting for her , when he heard her foot steps he pretended to be asleep ..only when he felt her weight on the bed beside him ..he could finally sleep , Its gonna be fine .. they were gonna be fine ._

_**' she went to the mercy hospital ..its not far away from where you live and then she made a phone call from there to the rigsby's resident ..that was the last thing we had on her ' abbot said and jane could hear his heart pounding in his head , why did she go to the hospital ..was she sick ? a thousand thought ran through his mind most of them were not good .**_

_**' Thank you ..i owe you and wiley one ' he finally managed to say before hanging up .**_

_**It only took him ten minutes and he was in the hospital ..he kept trying to get some thing from them but they refused because of doctor patient secrecy and he was so mad so walking out of the hospital he called the only person who could help him then .**_

_**'hello grace , I was wondering if you know where I could find Teresa ?' he asked and could feel the nervousness in her voice ' I don't know .jane ' she said and he could tell that she was not lying but she was definitely hiding some thing .**_

_**' she was in the hospital when she last called you .. what was wrong with her grace ?' he asked and she breathed heavily obviously she was reluctant to answer so he decided to encourage her a little ' I am so worried about her .. please ' he begged .**_

_**' she is pregnant. jane ' she said quietly and he couldn't believe what he just heard 'what ? ' he asked his voice more like a whisper .**_

_**' Lisbon is pregnant ' she said again and he excused himself and hung up.**_

_**He froze there in his place in front of the hospital mouth open , the phone in his hand and he could only ask himself ' Had I lost her ?' .**_

_Thank you for reading and sorry for any mistakes ..reviews appreciated ._


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer : I don't own any thing ._

_I think there will be one more chapter ..thank u for the lovely reviews and follows and sorry for any mistakes ._

' _**I need your help ..please ' Lisbon cried and knelt down on the grass with a bouquet of flowers in her hand , she put it slowly in front of her and took a deep breathe .**_

' _**The last time I came here I promised you that I would make him happy ..that I will take care of him but I failed .. I am so sorry '.**_

_**she stared at the graves in front of her for a while as if willing the stone to talk or to see some light or any thing that would guide her to the right way .**_

_Lisbon couldn't sleep all night his words echoing in her ears , she had known about her pregnancy for two weeks ..she was thankful that he was away on a case with Cho when she went to the doctor who told her that she was a six weeks pregnant , since then she had been trying to tell him but a lump formed in her throat every time and fear consumed her ..she was so scared that he would know before she got to tell him so she managed to hide the symptoms well ._

_By the time the sun rose she had decided to end it all , she had waited for Jane for twelve years and the mere thought of losing him made her feel sick ..they were finally happy ..she couldn't just throw it away ..she didn't have the power to fight this battle because she couldn't afford the price this time , she convinced herself ..if he didn't want this baby then she didn't want it either ._

_she went to the hospital , was in her gown on the surgery table and they injected her with the anesthetic when things started to blur and in no time she was swallowed into the oblivious ._

' _**I tried to please him ..i almost gave up but I couldn't , I can't give up on a part of me and if he didn't want it then he can't have me either 'she sniffed and wiped her tears with one hand .**_

' _**I am so sorry for breaking my promise ,Angela .. I love him but I have to stay away for his sake ' she said wistfully and got up to her feet and walked away .**_

' _hey welcome back ' said the nice young nurse that was checking on Teresa as she woke up ._

_Lisbon opened her eyes slowly and bit by bit tried to remember where she was in the hospital and why ? ._

' _I will go get the doctor now ' the nurse said and left the room before Lisbon got to say anything ._

_Lisbon stared at her belly and suddenly felt so empty ..pain , loss, grieve and regret squeezed her heart and she couldn't stop tears from falling .. why did she do it ? because she was so stupid and weak ..her innocent baby deserved so much more , she was going to go to hell and she deserved it ._

_The doctor entered the room to find her in the middle of that mess ' No need to cry , agent ' said the gentle old man and she shook her head ' I killed my baby ' she cried more her whole body shaking ._

'_No you didn't ..we didn't do the abortion ..you didn't lose the baby ' he said and she stopped crying ..breathing even ' How ?' she asked stunned ._

_The doctor sighed ' once we injected you with the anesthetic as it started to work you started crying and saying "no ..please ..my baby " before you lost conscious and we couldn't do it when it was so obvious that you didn't want this so we decided to give you a second chance to think about it , to decide if you really want to do this '. _

_Lisbon was stunned staring at the doctor mouth open until he finished and she burst to tears but this time they were tears of joy ..she couldn't believe it , she was given a second chance and wasn't about to waste it .. she loved that baby and she would keep it safe even if she had to break her and Jane's hearts ..it was worth it ._

' _Thank you so much ' she said through her tears to the the doctor who smiled ' want to take your first sonogram ?' he asked smiling and she giggled wiping her tears ' yes , please '._

' _**Thank you , Virgil ..if you and May hadn't let me stay with you ..i don't know what I would have done ..i finished my cash on that plane ticket and couldn't have been able to stay at any place without having to use my credit card that would have led Jane to me immediately '.she said with a smile .**_

_**Virgil smiled back ' you know that I would always help you Lisbon but that doesn't mean that I agree to this ..you need to talk to him not run away ..you both need to stop being idiots '.**_

_**she shook her head and sighed ' I know and I will talk to him but I just can't face him right now .. I need some time '.**_

_Thank u for_ reading ..reviews appreciated .


	3. Chapter 3

**_ok that isn't the last chapter but I think the next will be ..thank u for all lovely reviews and follows ._**

**_Disclaimer : I don't own any thing ._**

_Jane stared at the window watching the falling snow in awe , it was the christmas night and he was all alone his body shaking from the cold and loneliness , it wasn't how he had planned to spend that night ._

_He looked at the un decorated tree and the un opened gifts and his heart ached ..that was supposed to be their first christmas together but she weren't there and he felt so empty ._

_He hadn't tried to search for her after Grace told him because he knew he had hurt her , every time he remembered the look in her eyes when he had told her that night that he didn't want children , he realize that she will probably never be back ._

…

_She opened the present May gave her and felt tears forming in her eyes ..it was a green baby gown ' I decided that green would be the best choice since we don't know the gender of the baby yet .. any way that's the baby's present but i won't let you open yours now ' May said and Lisbon started crying ._

_ Virgil moved to her side and took her in his arms ' May please , would you bring her some hot chocolate ' he asked and may nodded knowing that they needed to talk and left ._

' _I am fine ' she said through her tears as an answer to his unspoken question and he smiled ' no you're not ..you miss him ' ._

_she sniffed ' it would have been our first christmas …I hate it that he is alone ..that I wouldn't see the joy in his eyes when he open the presents '_

' _Teresa .. why don't you just talk to him ..maybe he would surprise you ..maybe he is willing to try …no thing would be solved with you two apart ' ._

' _well . I can't do that ' she said and he shook his head in irritation ' Lisbon ..you had been one of my best agents and I have never known you for a quitter ..tell me what's going on .. what are you scared of ?' _

_she allowed more tears o fall and hated how emotional she was ..she had been crying since she left him and didn't seem able to stop ..blame it on the hormones ,she thought ._

'_It's just ..i can't deal with rejection any more … I can't ' she said and May came back and handed her the hot chocolate and Lisbon smiled grateful ._

…_._

_He headed to the nearest bar not standing the silence of the house any more , the clock ticking drove him crazy ._

_He was officially drunk as he left the place a couple of hours later and needed some fresh air so he walked through the streets watching the decorated shiny houses and hearing the laughs of children , that happiness was never meant for him ..he didn't deserve it ._

_The street was dark and he hadn't heard the car coming unil it hit him from the back ._

…_.._

_Lisbon sighed in relief ..nostalgia hit her that night and she hadn't stopped walking until she found herself in front of her old church ._

_she sat there in silence eyes closed and remembered that one time when Jane surprised her that day after leaving for six months ..she had mixed feelings of the memory , angry and sad because of what he did , and happiness because she finally had him back ._

_she opened her eyes and looked behind her hoping that maybe she was that lucky ..that he would suddenly pop up behind her joking , but he wasn't there and tears fell again ._

_she shook her head at her silliness 'too late to ask santa for a christmas miracle ' she said bitterly ._

…

_He was on the beach watching his beautiful little girl building a sand castle from afar and happiness filled his heart , she looked so focused on her job letting her long blond curls swing with the air , he went to her to help her build her dream sand castle ..he stood behind her and smiled ' need some help from daddy ..you little one ' ._

_His smile disappeared when she turned around smiling ..she wasn't charlotte but another beautiful girl that looked a lot like her but had familiar dimples and green eyes ._

' _mummy come help me and daddy ' the girl said and he felt a hand circling his waist so he turned around to look in Lisbon's worried eyes ' wake up ' she said and he frowned ' wake up ' she said again ._

_He woke up to the sound of heart monitor ..where was he ? ._

' _you 're an idiot ' it was the first thing he heard ._

_Cho was sitting in a plastic chair beside the bed drinking coffee , 'he is an idiot ' said Abbot walking through the door ._

' _what happened ..why am I in the hospital ' he asked head hurting ._

' _well. a car hit you hours ago , it was a family car and they were terrified ..they said that you were walking in the middle of the street , the father was talking to the mother when they saw you in time ..it wasn't a hard hit ..luckily , you only had a head wound because when you fell you hit your head '._

_Jane remembered now getting drunk ' well. I am sorry I was a little drunk '. _

_Abbot shook his head ' you could have died ..how do you think she would have felt ?' he asked and Jane sighed ' well. if she cared then she wouldn't have left in the first place ' He knew he was being a bastard but he hated every thing ..he was angry , in pain and he missed Lisbon so much ._

' _You still have the chance to make things right.. and now excuse me but my family is waiting for me ' said Abbot throwing Jane a glare before leaving ._

' _If you decided to stop being an idiot ..you may want to call the Wayne and Grace ' said cho before he left the room too ._

_Jane sat there in the silence his mind analyzing very thing that had happened again ..he could have died and he would have been alone ..that dream was about a beautiful family a family that could become real if he got over his problems and regrets ..he decided that he didn't want to die alone … he wanted that life with her and their baby..he wanted to be happy again...he wasn't going to lose her ._

_With that final thought , he left the bed to find his clothes and cell phone ..he had a phone call to make ._

_**Thank u for reading and sorry for any mistakes ..reviews appreciated .**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Disclaimer : I don't own any thing .**_

_Lisbon woke up and went to the kitchen to make some coffee when she remembered that she wasn't allowed to do that anymore and grimaced .. Virgil and May smiled at her and asked her to join them for the break fast ._

_After having breakfast then throwing it all up she went to the living room where Minelli was watching TV when the land line phone rang , Virgil answered the phone and his face went white .._

_Lisbon looked at him in dread ' what's going on ?' she asked ._

'_Thant was Grace van pelt ' he said and she nodded , she had called Grace the day before and asked her about Jane and told her not to tell any body she called ..she must have saved the number ._

' _I need you to calm down ..she said that Cho told them that Jane is in the hospital ..he was hit by a car and he is in a danger situation ' he said carefully watching her reactions when she blinked twice then tears started falling on her cheeks , put a hand on her mouth and ran to the bath room ._

_She was on the next plane back to Texas with Virgil , he had refused to let her go alone when she was so tired and vulnerable ..she really appreciated his concern and knew that he was taking the job of being like a father to her very seriously and for that she was thankful ._

_she kept praying the whole way to the hospital holding her mother's cross with shaking hands ..those pregnancy hormones weren't helping much ..he couldn't die ..she couldn't lose him ._

_Cho was waiting for her when she arrived ' Cho ..where is he ?' she asked desperately ..cho nodded in respect to Virgil his former boss and spoke ' He is stable now ..come with me I'll lead you to his room ' ._

_They made it to the room and she ran in without permission terrified of what she might see ..hurt Jane was something that squeezed her heart and she didn't think she could take it but he needed her regardless of anything else now ._

_Virgil made it to join her when Cho stopped him , got the key out of his pocket and locked the room ._

_Virgil shook his head in confusion but smiled as the realization dawned on him ' she is going to kill him ' ._

_Cho nodded in agreement ' He said he would whistle if he sensed real threat to his life ' ._

…

_she approached the bed slowly until she was standing right beside him , his arm was in a sling and a big badge covered his forehead ..her heart clenched and couldn't hold the tears back ._

_She reached for his still hand , raised it to her wet cheek and kissed it when he opened his eyes slowly smiling ' Teresa you are here ' his weak soft voice made her cry harder as she nodded ' yes I am ..how are you feeling ?' she asked and he sighed ' Does that matter much ..you already killed me when you left without a word that day '._

_she shook her head ' I am sorry ' she wanted to remind him of all the times he had done that to her in the past but decided that it wasn't the best time ' don't say such things please ..i did what I needed to do '._

' _well . you did wrong ' he said his voice a little louder and she decided that she couldn't do that now ' you should get some rest ..we will talk later 'she made an attempt to leave when he graped her waist with his both hand and pulled her on the bed where she became pinned under him and she gasped ' omg ..was it all a ruse ' she said in irritation , hit him in the slinged arm and he grinned _

' _well there was an accident but I wasn't hurt much ,sorry dear …but you wouldn't have come other wise ' he said and she pushed him away hard and went to the door in anger when she found it locked ' Cho did that ..i will kill him and grace as soon as I am out ' she yelled ._

' _well .you are stuck with me dear ' he grinned and she frowned ' I can just kick the door open ' she said and he sighed ' crazy pregnant woman kicking doors ..should be fun to watch ' ._

_she stilled at the mention of her pregnancy ..she asked Grace not to tell him but he got her to confess ever thing obviously ..the poor woman ..he could have even hypnotized her to tell him ._

' _I know that I hurt you Teresa ..i was an idiot '._

' _We never talked about it so when I found out I couldn't blame you ..you never said that you wanted children again , but it was too much ..i almost did some thing horrible to avoid it all but I couldn't ..and I understand if that wasn't what you want '.tears blurred her eyes she would give him up ..stay away with her child ..leave him alone If that was what he wanted even if it was going to break her heart ..she was ready to do that ._

' _No Teresa ..i admit that I didn't think I could be a father again but those past days I got to do a lot of thinking and guess what ? ..all I could think about was how will that baby look like and what would we name him or her ..it will be hard but I know now that I can't turn my back to this …I cant lose you ..both of you '. his eyes were red and his face was honest ._

_she wiped her tears trying not to hope too much ' won't you regret it ' she said and he stepped loser to her ' Never ' he said softly his hands taking hers when she felt some thing odd , she looked down to his hand where there was no ring any more and she gasped ' Jane ' she said in disbelief and he smiled ..he knew she wouldn't believe him otherwise and he had to admit that this ring became like a tight rope on his neck every time he was Teresa and saw doubt in her eyes ..she deserved so much more and if every thing went as planned he would have another ring soon any way ._

_He leaned slowly and she met him half way sharing a kiss of love ..longing ..relief ._

_A while later Cho and Minellie heard a moan that startled Cho ' should we check on them ' he asked and Minelli blushed a little and smiled at his ex-agent oblivious expression ' no I think they will be just fine..now '._

_**I didn't want to drag this any longer so this is it and there might be an epilogue ..hope u liked it ..thank u for for reading .**_


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